Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
