i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
they're like a gay fantastic four
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
