i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
