I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
