I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
