I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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