I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
