I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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