I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
