I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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