I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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