so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
