suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just invented taco cereal.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
