you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm having to shit out rocks
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
