it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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