pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
