After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
