Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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