I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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