my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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