my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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