they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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