when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
