Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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