Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
