There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
