Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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