Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Your cock deserves a montage
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize