I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
