some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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