Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
