not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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