we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My bed smells like the plague
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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