the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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