are you so shy because you have an std?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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