i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
