I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
