New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
