The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
