I wish I could punch you in the face.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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