I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
