And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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