Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
