Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
