So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
