I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
