Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
