they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
