so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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