just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
where are you?
Hypothermia
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just had sex on a roof
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
