i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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