Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
