Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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