my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
