He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
