as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
