Dual....:-)
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Come on in and take your pants off
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