my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
