The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
