eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
