Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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