I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
