his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
