I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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