she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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