: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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