i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
