What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
