Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
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