Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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