I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
my poor anus
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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