She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
