he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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