Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
