Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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