the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
