then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
